The education of children is always a complicated task, but even more so if they are somewhat nervous, rebellious and a little aggressive. Profiles like this, require from us, parents, grandparents and educators, more effort, love, and some techniques that we then reflect.
1. The personality of difficult children
Children who exhibit difficult behaviors are easily recognizable from birth. As babies, they are the ones who wake up many times during the nights between crying . They do not adapt to changes, they find it difficult to take routines and have somewhat capricious reactions, with behaviors that go beyond the norm.
Something that also usually identifies them is that they have no middle ground. Their joys are overflowing, and when they get angry, they are unable to control their anger and rage. As soon as they can be hitting a toy like hugging us and filling us with kisses. They are also children who, every second and third, have a tantrum; when they do not get what they want, they explode. And they explode in tears, screams, blows and kicks. It is very characteristic.
Mothers and fathers complain that they can not control them. If they do not satisfy their wishes, the children end up setting up a scene, either in public or in private, so sometimes they do not dare to take them out to the parks or go to restaurants with them. It is something complex that the family lives with suffering, difficult children who blackmail us, who are always asking us for things, who sometimes have maladjustment problems at school and whose teachers are always punishing or calling attention to them . How to get them straightened? How to make your life easier and get them to mature with balance and happiness?
2. Guidelines for re-educating difficult children
1. How much earlier best
Education in children starts from the first day. The ideal is to establish routines: routines of dreams, meals, moments of leisure …. that the scene where the child is always stable, both sounds and smells. Stability, balance and routines help the child develop the first months with better balance.
But always reason with them why you do it: you should go to bed soon because tomorrow you go to school. You must finish your homework soon and then rest. You must help us set the table and pick it up because everyone at home has a responsibility …
If the child reacts badly to his obligations, he argues with them his bad behavior and withdraw some benefit: less hours of play on the computer, not go out to play … Tell him that people have rights and duties. If we do things right, we get benefits. Reason always with them.
2. The rules must be stable and consistent
There are parents who, for example, set a standard and then forget it. “You must come straight home after school.” If one day you do not comply and you do not call attention, he will continue to do so. And what is worse, you will understand that your orders do not do much good. We must be firm and consistent. And this is true for all the brothers. Try above all not to establish preferences or differences between one and the other.
They must understand that at home, as in school and society, there are limits, duties and obligations. Make them understand that their whims will not be satisfied if they do not show us balance and maturity. “Dad and mom are going to work so that you have a good life” “You must show me that you are older and responsible so that I can buy that toy or that you want”. Every prize requires an effort.
3. Help them channel anger or anger
Difficult children often exhibit temper tantrums or aggressive behaviors. When they have a tantrum, do not listen to them, do not reinforce them or respond by shouting. They must understand that tantrums are absolutely useless and that they will not blackmail us. Once they have calmed down, take them to a quiet room and talk to them, tell them that this behavior is not that of an older and responsible child, and that you feel disappointed when they do that. Make them think.
Tell them that kicks and punches are useless, that whoever hits only receives hatred. Make them understand what empathy is. “Why did you hit that kid at school, why did you insult him? How do you think you would feel in your place? Would you like to be treated like that? “…
Whenever you can, propose situations where they develop empathy . “How do you think mother feels today? Why do you think your brother is angry? It also allows them to put their emotions out loud and always talk about them.
4. Fosters positive attitudes
There are parents who only notice what their children do wrong. They spend the day recriminándoles things, calling attention to how bad they are, or the mistakes they make . It is a risk, in the end we will have children with low self-esteem and who also feel anger towards their parents because they always punish them.
We have to be careful. Ideally, always reinforce what they do well, and when they do something wrong, instead of shouting or recriminate something, explain how they should do so this time it goes well. Give them support, show them that you love them and that they are important to you, that they are the best of your life. If they feel loved, supported, if they understand where the limits are and have a democratic and non-authoritarian education, they will learn to reflect and improve their character.
Educating is an adventure!