There are many platonic or unrequited loves, and above all they are typical of adolescence. As parents, it is normal for us to worry that our children may have feelings for someone much older than them.
The infatuation of students with their teachers is much more common than is believed. Therefore, it is very important to talk with young people and make them understand that it is not about love, but about idealization.
Infatuation of the students to their teachers: if there is love, is everything worth it?
They have made us believe that love has the ability to overcome all obstacles, that it does not know about ages or social conditions. However, sometimes falling in love can be cause for sadness, depression and wrong decisions.
The infatuation of students with their teachers is one of the most common cases of unrequited love and at the same time not socially accepted. It is also home to other complications such as the fact that a student is a minor and does not yet have the ability to discern what is good and what is not.
The problem in itself is not that the student falls in love with his teacher, but that the adult corresponds those feelings. For both, it will be something forbidden, badly seen and that must be hidden , but of course for different reasons.
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The infatuation of the students with their teachers: why does it arise?
When we are small, we can say that we ‘like’ a teacher or a school teacher because we still carry a very strong Oedipus (or Electra) complex. These people that we see every day become ‘a second mother’ (or father) and it is normal to feel a certain devotion for them.
But in adolescence things change and can become dangerous. Beyond that during this stage there is a great revolution at the hormonal level and emotions are too intense, the truth is that when a young man falls in love with his teacher may be due to other reasons.
While it is most likely that love does not materialize, it is not possible to avoid attraction to that figure that imposes authority in a class. The admiration goes further and is confused with falling in love.
When the young man idealizes his teacher (or a young woman to his teacher), he grants him traits, values or characteristics that he considers “perfect” or according to his teachings and upbringing. This means that they are probably similar to their mother or father.
It is common in adolescence to occur certain confusions as far as feelings are concerned. Relationships are ‘forever’ and any problem is the end of the world. In this stage the platonic, delirious or insurmountable loves are the order of the day.
It may seem more ‘innocent’ for our children to fall in love with an actor or singer than with a teacher, because the latter has direct contact with them.
Teachers can be considered figures of authority, with knowledge, serious, with self-control and who can set limits . All this attracts a teenager whose personality is forming and goes through so many changes at a hormonal and physical level.
Infatuation of students to their teachers: when the boundaries are crossed
That our daughter falls in love with the English teacher may be the same as if she has a platonic love for a singer. The problem is when the adult exceeds its limits and is carried away by a passion or a supposed love towards a minor.
It happens that eventually a teacher falls in love with a student, however, must have the ability to avoid an approach that does not have to do strictly with academic reasons.
We can not do anything against a teenager’s fantasy about a teacher, but we do have tools to act against an adult who is trying to get emotionally involved with a young person.
The limits are transgressed when the teacher begins a loving relationship with a student. This link is not at all balanced or equal due to the difference in age. But also, for the experience and knowledge that each one has.
A young girl may not know what she does when she has someone older in front of her that she likes . Therefore, the responsibility is 100% of the adult. Even if she insinuates herself too much or is very direct with what she wants, he always has the option of refusing or moving away.
We could say that you can not fight against the infatuation of students with their teachers, but we do have the possibility to avoid this situation. If we notice that our son or daughter acts in a strange way or has a certain preference for a teacher over others we should open our eyes and be alert.
Good communication and teaching are the keys for this platonic love to become a true relationship. Even talking to the teacher or school authorities can be a very effective prevention measure.