Borderline personality disorder (BPD) makes life difficult for many couples .
Although it is not impossible to maintain a relationship, it is necessary to take into account certain aspects so that it is healthy and unfolds in the best way.
It is important that we keep in mind that helping our partner with BPD does not mean that we are going to change it .
This disorder needs a follow-up by a professional with whom an improvement is expected.
However, it is necessary to know that this is for life. There will be relapses and other times when we will forget the problem.
However, the disorder will always be there.
The typical behaviors of the couple of a TLP
We will address the most habitual behaviors that the couple of a TLP carries out. Many hurt the other person, causing it to get worse and favoring the continuity of his symptoms.
Remember that we are facing individuals with great emotional instability and a very polarized thought . That’s why we have to take special care when treating them.
- Threat with abandonment that does not meet or breaks the relationship and returns with the other person when he accepts that he will change his behavior. This increases the emotional instability of BPD.
- Ignores behaviors that he considers unacceptable . Thus it becomes an ally of the disorder and favors the continuity of the pathological behavior.
- Find the balance by letting yourself be guided by the direction of the TLP . He feels guilty if things do not improve, because he thinks it is a mistake of his own.
- Opt for silence, not talking about the problem with the couple and even hiding actions from day to day to family or friends. Avoid, in this way, that the TLP be aware of what is happening.
- In the face of problems or crisis, he considers that the other person loves him deeply and that the difficulty lies in the fact that his partner is not responsible for his behavior.
None of these ways of acting is correct. In some one participates in the problem, in others, the actions are justified and nothing is said, with the consequent persistence of the behavior.
Acts like a mirror, not like a sponge
It is easy to end up soaked with this disorder if we carry out the aforementioned behaviors.
We want to protect our partner, but this is not the best way to do it. Living with a person who has personality disorder is very difficult and we have to be aware of how we are acting on this.
Our goal is to stop the symptoms , so that they do not continue.
For this, it is necessary that we be faithful to our beliefs and values. We do not have to allow everything to our partner just because he suffers from this disorder.
If what he does is not right, we have to tell him.
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It is wrong to justify the way you act . As a couple, it is necessary to establish a limit line that does not cross, no matter what happens.
Communicate clearly that you are not willing to endure certain behaviors and stay true to this. If you falter, everything will go to hell.
Threats do not work
Talking about the problem is more than necessary for the TLP to be aware of where it fails and can solve it.
However, sometimes it can drive us crazy and we resort to such easy threats. This should never happen. We will make the situation worse and increase your emotional instability.
Learn to say “no”, to externalize what you feel and never feel responsible for the behavior of your partner with BPD .
If you feel good, if you stop treating the other person as someone fragile to protect, everything will start to flow.
Continue to be yourself and be careful with negative behaviors, such as lying, cheating or challenging the BPD. Remember that your thinking is polarized and that your emotions are sometimes out of control.
Before leaving, keep in mind: It is better to keep silent during the storm and speak when there is calm
Acting according to your principles, setting limits and not letting yourself be carried away by the pathology of others will guarantee a balance in the relationship.
It will be hard, a road full of rocks and potholes .
However, if you are really willing to be with that person in a situation like this, you should be aware of all of the above.