The authentic laws of life are not marked by a legal code , nor by family mandates nor by the new gurus of today who try to convince us about how to be happy.
The law of life is marked by oneself when, little by little, it realizes where the limits are, where the sense of respect, coexistence and magic that allows us to enjoy each other in harmony.
Because there are things that are not learned in books; We discover them by making mistakes, by observing and deducting, through these interactions, where we have found happiness and where, without doubt, we have also known pain .
Mario Benedetti said in one of his poems that we can complain about everything, that we can suffer because roses have thorns and because today a storm falls.
If we focus on “wanting to suffer”, we will suffer. However, sometimes it is enough to have a humble heart and thank you that we are alive or that roses have thorns but that, after all, that element also makes them beautiful.
Therefore, we must understand that the balance of our daily life is in our attitude and in those laws of life that one imposes to allow oneself to be a little happier.
We propose to reflect on three aspects that, without a doubt, will help you.
1. Laws of life: live without pretending
The first of these laws is to learn to live away from appearances . If we think about it, our world is already based on excess in falsehood, in those images where marketing guides many of our daily actions.
- The world of advertising, fashion and television is based on those false appearances that many try to imitate or achieve.
- Also, in our closest environments, something we do not see very often is authenticity.
Read also “being grateful offers us happiness”
That humble closeness where you do not look for or want anything, just express yourself as one is, rises as a value in retreat in which we should invest.
The need to appear camouflages, in addition, a series of psychological processes that it is necessary to know:
- Low self-esteem and the insecurity of not being accepted if we show ourselves as we really are.
- Need to be validated. Appearances and falsehoods make us believe that, in this way, we will be accepted by society.
- Falsehood also camouflages an identity that wants to be overlapped to get some interest (if I am kind, I will gain your trust to get something from you).
2. Laws of life: love without dependence
Another dimension that most people end up discovering throughout their life cycle is that love does not gain anything if we base it on dependence .
Few dimensions need as much expressivity, freedom, authenticity and character as love.
- Because the relationship that is subject to the dependence of the other, to the point of diluting us and becoming the shadows of the loved one, leads us, little by little, to frustration.
- Affective dependence generates unhappiness and, sooner or later, depression appears .
- Few laws of life are as wise as those that allow us to love ourselves first.
- However, our society, and even our family , reminds us that in love everything is fine and that if you want someone, you will give it to your last breath .
- While it is true that there are many types of love, what we can never accomplish is a renunciation of ourselves . Even if it’s our son or our partner.
In the first place, because “giving up” ourselves means not giving the best of ourselves to those we love. Someone with low self-esteem is not 100% of their vital, psychic or affective energy.
Let’s be creators of love, not submissive. Let’s be architects of healthy relationships, not simply dependent.
3. Laws of life: speech without offending
Eric Berne was the father of “Transactional Analysis”.
This psychological approach teaches us that people also build our identity and our self-esteem based on the emotional or social transactions or exchanges we receive from the people who educate us, or who interact with us every day.
- When we “carry” our words with disguised offenses, with ironies or scorn, we offer what Eric Berne defined as negative emotional caresses .
- This type of “caresses” exercised through language can do more harm than a blow , than a physical aggression. It is a violation of our person that many people exercise almost without realizing it.
- There are those who, instead of talking, shout. There are those who are accustomed to despising, who make jokes thinking that in this way, what causes is pleasing, but what it gets is damage.
It is necessary that we take care of our language, our tone, that we choose the words well so that these emotional caresses are always positive .
In this way we invest in coexistence, in respect.