The grief room is a room in which after a loss we have to enter yes or yes . However, there are some options with which we play to avoid this.
The door of this room opens when we finish a relationship, when we leave our work or when a loved one leaves forever.
There are certain phases that are repeated regardless of the reason for the loss. Today we will deepen them.
Dodge the duel room
Although, after a loss , the duel room opens its doors so we can enter, the truth is that we can avoid doing this. However, those doors will remain open to receive us at any time.
When we break a relationship and do not want to enter this room, for example, what we do is immediately find a new partner.
In this way, we avoid introducing ourselves even to the first of the stages for which the duel room will force us to pass.
This is not healthy, because we will start a new relationship without being really prepared and, we ourselves, will not give us the opportunity to close the last chapter as it should have been done.
Knowing this … What particularities do the different stages of the dueling room have?
1. The stage of denial
In this first stage, we will find ourselves with the denial in the situation of loss. We deny that a loved one has left us, we deny that the relationship with our partner has been broken forever or we deny that we are no longer needed in that job.
Denial is a way of closing our eyes to a reality that comes before us . The reason we do this is because it hurts what happened.
Sometimes, many people invent a story. For example, that the person who has died is traveling or that the couple with whom he has broken needed his space.
However, this stage of denial has its own ending.
2. The stage of anger
When we stop denying what happened and we realize what has happened, things change. We get angry with the person who has left us.
It does not matter if he has passed away or if he is our partner with whom we have broken. Through our mind will pass thought of the style “why me?”, “You are to blame “, “I do not deserve to end like this”, “I will not forgive you for leaving me” …
It is a stage of anger, where we blame the other person for our pain , where we blame her for what we are feeling.
3. The negotiation stage
After the anger, it seems that a possible hope of reversing the process of loss opens before us . We dream, then, and we look for alternatives to recover what we have lost.
In the event that someone dies we will try to contact that person by going to professionals, mediums or other people who claim to speak with the dead.
If it was a break, maybe we try to recover and fall in love again with the person we have lost, and in the event that we have lost a job, we will try to get them to admit us to the position again.
In the event that we get it, the duel will be interrupted . If a loss occurs again with that person or work, the entrance to the grief room will be much more painful.
4. The stage of sadness
If the stage of negotiation is overcome and one realizes that no matter how much you negotiate there is no turning back, then sadness will be present.
Sadness is just the sign that we are accepting what happened . We know that we are not going to revert it, that everything is over and our tears will help us to get rid of the pain in order to continue with our lives.
You have to be very careful not to get stuck at this stage . For a prolonged time in it can lead to serious episodes of depression .
5. The stage of acceptance
This is the culminating stage, the one in which we accept the loss suffered. We no longer have any hope of recovering what has been lost and we accept what happened, we learn from it and we move on.
It is a very enriching stage that allows us to remember the good and learn from the bad of the experience .
Perhaps, at first this stage does not generate relief, but rather discouragement, regret, apathy, fatigue and apathy. However, with time one experiences again the joy and the desire to live.
Before leaving, do not miss: 4 tips to overcome discouragement and sadness
The duel room is a necessary room for which all of us are going to spend sometime. Crossing it successfully will ensure that any bitterness is removed, that we let go of the past and move on with our lives.
Have you ever felt stuck in one of the stages of the duel room? Which is the worst you endure?
Images: Aliza Razell, Nadia Maria.