Whoever does everything possible to make a relationship work and only finds unhappiness , reproaches and evenings of tears, can leave without remorse.
You can leave with dignity safe and high pride: time will take care of healing that sad heart.
When we initiate an affective bond with a person we almost always have the full assurance that this will be the definitive relationship.
More than a security, we could say that it is a hope. And this is because our brain does not like uncertainties.
In fact, living with the idea that something hangs by a thread supposes, first of all, to invest energies, time and emotions in something that, at the minimum, can come to the ground.
We need to think that when we start a commitment with someone, we will both invest our efforts equally , and that it will be worthwhile.
In terms of love, what we most want is to feel safe, and to perceive that this bond will last.
It will allow us to grow as people and build a common future to make life, to be two in the same project.
Now this, and as sad as it may seem, is not always true. Couples, like bones, break up.
It is then when love, sometimes even being present, becomes a throwing weapon capable of hurting, capable of destroying our self-esteem , our integrity.
Let’s talk about this topic. Let’s delve into these very complex endings where ending a relationship well means healing your own heart before moving forward with life again.
The keys to a solid relationship
What makes a relationship last? What makes a couple distanced? Curious as it may seem, and as we have pointed out before, love is never enough.
There are many “few” who make a “lot” and several ingredients capable of making that love sweet or bitter , even though love is present.
At the beginning of the 1980s, a model was established that is still present in the field of relational psychology. We are talking about the “investment model”.
According to this approach, a relationship will last if these 3 points converge:
- A couple will build a stable commitment as long as they cover each of the basic dimensions that make up a relationship, namely: intimacy , understanding, good communication, respect, fun, safety, sexuality …
- The members of the couple feel fulfilled in that relationship. No one feels frustrated or limited by the treatment of the other. That is, there is a respect and, in turn, a mutual “emotional enrichment”.
- Likewise, it is necessary to perceive that there is no play of forces, that there is an equal balance where both invest time, emotions and resources efficiently.
If the bond is breaking … Fight!
We know that there are many self-help and personal growth books that suggest that when something goes wrong, when something does not fit in the relationship, it is best to “let go without anesthesia”.
There is no need to go to these extremes. Even more, we all know well that when you love, it is not easy to get rid of that someone so significant, even when we are aware that things do not go as they should.
When a couple is distancing, it can be due to multiple factors. We are not talking about specific events such as treason, offense, abuse or contempt.
We speak, simply, of that relationship that gets cold without us knowing very well why.
- Every relationship, every bond where love is still present deserves to be taken care of as a precious treasure.
- Whoever struggles to keep it afloat, who does the impossible to create bridges, to fan the fire off or to make the odd resignation to strengthen the relationship, will feel much better if all this fails.
- It may be contradictory, but there is no worse regret than letting go of a love thinking that we could have done something more for that relationship.
Taking full awareness that we have reached the limit and that each brick placed has been knocked down again and again will allow us to face the duel with more poise, with more resignation.
Discover also 6 habits of couples satisfied with their relationship
Those limits that you should never exceed
Be careful: there are limits in love. In any personal battle to keep the couple is not all worth and not all resources are valid in order to keep that commitment afloat.
- In this personal investment to save the relationship, it is not worth to be one who offers everything until you lose your dignity , self-esteem and your own personal identity.
- In turn, no struggle will make sense when it is clear that love has been terminated by one of the two.
- On the other hand, we must also value a lot if it is worth giving a new opportunity to someone who has failed us too many times.
A relationship will deserve any effort as long as we are clear that that person is worth it , that there is respect, that there is affection.
We must be aware that there is that love for which we must take risks so as not to regret tomorrow what we have not dared to do today.