When everything indicates that the union as a couple reached its end, ending is the only decision that seems logical and correct. So why do not we break up when the relationship no longer works? What makes us keep clinging to something that has no solution?
You have tried everything, but nothing is the same and it never seems to be again. However, you are still there. Many times we are unable to make the complicated decision to officially end a relationship that is already finished. Especially when it has been a lasting history in which there has been sincere love.
Say goodbye and continue life is the most healthy way out , but sometimes we try to convince ourselves that it is something circumstantial or get used to living with a problem that did not exist at first.
Many times we are unable to officially end a union that is already finished
Causes of continuing in a relationship that no longer works
Many people can be around us and clearly see that, in our case, it is best to end the union of a couple. However, for us it is not such an easy decision. Why do not we break when the relationship no longer works? There are several causes:
- In a deteriorated bond, there is no distinction between the need to put an end and the possibility of fixing it.
- Fear of loss and sadness that can cause.
- Fear of confrontation.
- Terror to the unknown.
- Children in between.
- Concern for social judgment.
- Denial of losing the investment.
- Blame the failure.
- Lack of self-love and fear of loneliness
Find out more about the couple: Couple crisis, necessary or problematic?
Any break involves a loss and it is undeniable that it causes us all pain because it requires turning the wheel and taking a different rhythm. One of our biggest fears is to risk, because we have lived a routine for a long time and fracture it costs.
Sometimes, we remain because of self – esteem problems. “It does not matter that he does not love me, I love him and someday he will feel the same for me again,” he often thinks. The illusion that something can become different even leads to frustrating reconquest plans in which a strong lack of self-love is revealed.
The aversion to loss
The American psychologist and Nobel Prize winner Daniel Kahneman has established a concept to explain why we do not break when the relationship no longer works: “The aversion to loss” or the difficulty to let go of the investment. The insistent thought that we have bet a lot limits us to the decision to abandon the struggle.
It also influences the social environment that surrounds us. The “what will they say?” Is powerful. We not only fear to fail, but to let the rest see it. Keeping the appearances of a happy and perfect life sometimes chained us.
Another cause is the existence of children and the fear that with the rupture we will harm them. This factor can make a marriage live for years without sex and in a hostile environment that ironically does not do well to the offspring.
Signs that it’s over
A relationship does not work when either or both of them lose motivation to continue. Sometimes the doubt overwhelms us, but there are undeniable signs that the connection has an expiration date.
- Sex is not satisfactory or does not exist.
- Absence of communication.
- Hostile environment.
- Lack of interest.
You can expand the information: Indicators to know if my relationship does not work anymore
We deserve to be happy and before these signs it is evident that we are not and that there is something that we must change. It is an opportunity to learn to walk by yourself.
Either because his time has passed or because his continuity would end up being destructive, there are moments when reality dictates that we put an end to something. Letting go, forgiving if necessary and moving forward is the most important thing to continue with a healthy life. If we do not know how to handle this situation, the most sensible thing is to ask for help.
Why do not we break when the relationship no longer works? By habit, for fear of losing, for the social environment … We can mask it or get used to the cracks, but the healthiest thing is to say goodbye. It is not very romantic, but it is easier to understand the brain’s reasons than those of the heart.